


The Viagra Tree

by Clea2011



Category: Primeval
Genre: Crack, Humour, M/M, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 15:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1610447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clea2011/pseuds/Clea2011
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The trouble with Connor, thought Becker as he stomped through the prehistoric forest, was that he was altogether far too curious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Viagra Tree

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Fififolle and Deinonychus_1 for the beta.

The trouble with Connor, thought Becker as he stomped through the prehistoric forest, was that he was altogether far too curious. And the problem with Connor being curious, when it came to anomalies, was that it tended to result in him getting far too close to them. And the problem with Connor getting far too close to them was that he invariably ended up falling/ tripping/ stumbling/ flying/ hopping/ jumping or even walking through them. Which was what had happened. Again.

Becker hated going through anomalies. He particularly hated following Connor through them, because he just knew that whatever Connor had found on the other side was going to lead to trouble.

On this particular occasion, however, Connor was simply sitting under a tree, happily watching a couple of... well, they would be something-osauruses. Probably. And as Connor was just sitting there looking like dinner, and the two... whatever they were... were just continuing to munch the grass then they were probably fairly safe. Connor, though...

Connor was eating a fruit from the tree.

Now, when Becker did his survival training, which he did to the highest level, and had all sorts of commendations and excellence awards for, there was no mention of what to do when you went through a rip in time and found a tree laden with juicy-looking ripe fruit. However, Becker was fairly certain (and this was one of the reasons he'd got such a high score in survival) that plucking one of the fruits and eating it if you were not absolutely starving would be high on the list of things not to do. And Connor definitely wasn't starving because he'd devoured a large burger on the way to the anomaly. Becker's truck still reeked of it.

"Becker!"

Another reason Connor wouldn't score very highly on the survival tests was that he didn't ever seem to recognise Becker's Very Cross Face. In fact, he was waving cheerily at the soldier, as if they were out for a walk in the park instead of millions or billions or whatever number it was of years in the past. Becker frowned some more.

"These are really good!" Connor told him. There were a couple of discarded fruit cores lying beside him. It was probably far too late to tell him not to eat any more. "Try one!"

Becker gave a heavy, put-upon sigh. As _if_ he'd be so stupid.   "Come on, Connor, before the anomaly closes."

Connor waved a hand carelessly. "It'll open again." He patted the ground beside him.   "Sit down, Becker."

Becker wasn't one for messing about. He grabbed Connor by the arm and hauled him to his feet. Connor beamed at him.

"You're so masterful."

Whilst it was true that Becker was masterful, and he had no objection to people pointing it out, it did occur to him at that point that perhaps Connor was a little drunk. Or... something. Connor was positively leering at him, and holding out one of those luscious-looking fruits again.

"You're pissed," Becker pointed out. He took the fruit and sniffed it. "These have probably fermented or something. How many did you eat?"

"Six," Connor told him happily. "Like sex but not so much fun."

Very pissed, apparently. The fruit did smell pretty good. It was soft and yellow and covered in a strange powdery coating. Becker sniffed it again, then sneezed as some of the powder went up his nose.

"Did that to me, too," Connor grinned.

Connor was, Becker noticed, covered in a faint layer of the powder. It must have come from the tree. Connor had probably tripped over a root or something.

Actually, Connor smelled pretty good too. Which was possibly a first.

"We need to get back to the anomaly," Becker announced masterfully.

Connor quickly grabbed another fruit from the tree, and bit into it. There was juice running down his chin. Becker had a peculiar urge to lick it off.

Obviously the time travel was affecting his mind. He snatched the fruit away from Connor and threw it to one side.

"That could be poisonous!"

It was very juicy and he couldn't help accidently licking his hand to clean it. And then his arm where the juice had run down it. It was _delicious._ Just one fruit wouldn't hurt.

Connor gazed at him, his eyes... well, his eyes had gone rather dark. It was quite attractive. Connor was quite attractive, but then he was also Connor. Connor, who had taken yet another fruit and appeared to be rubbing it all over himself.

Helpfully, Connor was also removing his clothes. This was an excellent idea, because he was getting that juice _everywhere_. Becker regarded the stickiness of his own hands, and being a very clean and tidy sort (another thing he'd learned in military training) he decided to follow suit. Whatever time they'd landed in was very warm, and Becker's uniform was far too tight.

Very soon Connor's clothes were in a heap, and Becker's uniform was folded very tidily beside it. Connor absolutely reeked of the fruit. Or something. It was very, very alluring. He was still rubbing it all over himself. Particularly over his arse and dick.

It was the finest, most peach-like and perfect arse Becker had ever seen. Well, the finest he'd seen this side of the anomaly anyway. It was enhanced by the fact that Connor had dropped to his hands and knees and was now definitely presenting to him.

It would be rude not to shag him when he was offering so nicely. And Becker had been brought up to be very polite. Besides, if he didn't stick his dick in something soon he was going to go crazy, or his balls were going to fall off or something.

That was very, very bad fruit. But Becker really didn't care.

He didn't care over and over again. Somewhere the anomaly was probably closing, but he didn't really care about that either.

Or that licking every last drop of come and juice from Connor's arse just made them both hard once more. Becker didn't think he'd ever had a better recovery time in his life. It was probably a Viagra tree or something. They really needed to take some seeds home with them.

Or, preferably, just stay exactly where they were so that Becker could continue to shag Connor silly.

"Perhaps," Connor panted as Becker started to pound into him for the fourth time. "It doesn't wear off until it's done what it's supposed to? I mean, conception."

Becker was a (currently very) hardened soldier.   If that was the case they could be at it for an extremely long time, he realised. They hadn't taught him _that_ in endurance classes either. Really, Sandhurst had been highly deficient. If they ever made it back he was going to have to put in some recommendations. Not that he wanted to go back.

"Don't worry Connor," he gasped between thrusts. "I'm sure we'll pass out eventually and it'll wear off."

Connor gave a moan of pleasure. Or it might have been a groan of despair. It was difficult to tell.

"Or," Becker added brightly, because really Connor deserved it, even if this was the best anomaly trip ever, “perhaps that fruit might have had some other properties as well! Magical properties! And if I've knocked you up I'll support you both!"

The look of sheer horror on Connor's face was priceless.  

Becker had a feeling that if they were starting to think clearly again then the effects of the fruit were slowly starting to wear off. But still... he could torment Connor with the improbable fear of pregnancy for _months_.

And have sex with him. Lots and lots and lots of sex.

 


End file.
